Pressing Forward

This past weekend was a hard one....I had about three and a half days to relax and just catch up on some things, but it ended up being a weekend of working through some hard things in my life instead. Most of the students were busy doing things, so things were quiet in our apartment. I was really missing La Grande and my friends there and so that added to the lonely feeling I was having.
It's interesting because what I came away with from this weekend was that I need to press forward through the desert times of my life. I was getting ready for church on Sunday morning and in my devotion time the Lord spoke very clearly to me through the book of Numbers. I was reading about how the Israelites were complaining to Moses saying they would like to go back to Egypt, where the Lord had rescued them out of bondage and slavery. They wanted to eat the meat they had in Egypt. They were complaining because all they had now was the manna that the Lord was providing them in the desert on their way to the promise land. Instead of the Israelites looking at what God had brought them out of and being joyful, they were looking at what they used to have and were frustrated.
The Lord has taken me from a place where I was being held back by the enemy, by being comfortable and in control, to a place of promise. When I made the decision to move and pursue what God was asking me to pursue, the chains were being broken off me and I began heading toward the "promise land". Right now I am walking through the "desert" and it is hard but I am learning so much at the same time. I am in a place where I am leaning completely on the Lord and I am totally out of my comfort zone. On the hard days when I am lonely, like this weekend, I know that the Lord is telling me to hold on....the promise land is coming! I don't want anything less than his best...so I will keep pressing forward and not revert back to my old self and my old ways of doing things. I will look to the Lord's direction and do things the way he is teaching me now. Sometimes I do think it would be easier to just pack up and move back to where I have been before....but then I am not in the place where God can move in my life. God never said that serving him would be easy....but he is always right there to walk through the good and the bad with me!

~ Kim ~

What I Am Learning

I woke up at 4AM this morning for no reason. I started thinking about things going on in my life and started to get anxious. Until about 5:30 this morning I had a full blown anxiety attack. It was so stupid. I was going over and over in my mind how I was going to pay the my bills. I was trying to figure out how much I have in my bank account and then I began to subtract all that I need to take care of. I was really freaking out because I didn't know if things would get taken care of. How could I take care of them. How could I come up with money?

Do you see that I kept saying I. It was all about my own ability, not once was I asking the Lord to provide for my needs and to guide my steps. I was trying to figure things out on my own.

It says in Phil 4:6-7..... Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Again the Lord is speaking to me about releasing control. When I try and figure things out on my own and try to take control, that is when I have anxiety attacks. When I put my complete trust in the Lord and do what the scripture says...by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving.....that is when I will feel God's peace! He will take control when I release it.

Don't ya just love it when God speaks!

~ Kim ~